I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
im holly from the hills drunk
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
