She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
two words: eviction party
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
