Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
