when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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