Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
