I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
