i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
