he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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