You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
