i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
