a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
