i think i have two assholes
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
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Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
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Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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