My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
