I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
