New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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