So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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