Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
