I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
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You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
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I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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