and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
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Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
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Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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