I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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