his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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