we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
