On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
she smelled like a LAN party
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
