I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
