did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
