The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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