My underwear smells like fireworks.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
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I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
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I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Text me some of your sweat
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