The maid of honor just puked.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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