I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.