Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just pee around me
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
