If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
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Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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