somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
