i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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