I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Houston, we have a blender
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I think my moral compass just broke
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
