is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
