Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
