I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
