Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
