You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I have already put on my inside pants.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
