so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
