I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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