everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
did you just send me my own nude
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
