He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
