We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
