I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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