I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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