Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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