I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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