Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
