I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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