Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
