then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
