But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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