Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
