I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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