tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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