every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
