fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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