Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
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Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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