I wish I could punch you in the face.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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