Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
