I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
