So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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