I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
