that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
