I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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