I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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