why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
