i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
